This past week I celebrated another milestone birthday – TGBTG. It was bittersweet though – as many milestones have been over this year for my family and I. When you experience loss, things are different the first year. You have a different perspective on life, you view things differently, you have a different appreciation for things (or maybe not)…then there‘s the guilt, regrets, pain and void that can never be filled.

I had major plans for bringing in my 40th birthday, but my plans changed significantly because…..well things were different – a whole lot different this year. Almost a year ago, my brother’s life was tragically taken just 4 months before he would have celebrated his 16th birthday. The things at one point I thought I needed to celebrate another year of life became less important. I was grateful while at the same time guilty that I got to see 40 when my brother didn’t even have the opportunity to see 16.

I think about my own life at his age, the things I was into, the places I had been, some of the people that I associated with, the hell that I put my parents through and I know that it is nothing but the blood of Jesus and God’s grace that has kept me here (Some will say, “well where was this God at when your brother’s life was cut down”….believe it or not…He was there). I have often wrestled with and felt guilty that I am still here and he is not…that I had the opportunity to see more milestones that he did.

Though it was intentionally low key, I choose to be grateful for this milestone. Grateful for where God has brought me, where He has rescued me from, grateful for my family and friends, for all of the life experiences – good and bad – because they are me and were for me, for the open doors and even the dead bolted doors, for life, for joy, for peace, for life, and most importantly…for salvation.

A friend sent me a text on my birthday “remember some people say living starts when you turn 40”. That may be true for some people, but living for me truly began when I made the decision to accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. If I’ve learned anything from my brother’s death, it’s been to live now. Don’t wait for the right time, a milestone, the right people, or the right place – LIVE NOW. Life begins when you make the choice to start living and how you choose to live makes a difference.

“…..I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” – Jesus

John 10:10 NIV

God used my little brother to teach me a lot about life. Unfortunately, it came at the cost of losing him but God’s plan – though I may never understand it…is greater than all of ours.

I love you little brother…forever and always. Thank you for reminding me to live.

If you want to start living now, say this prayer:

I am a sinner in need of rescuing. Jesus, I need you to rescue me. I believe that You came, died, and rose that I might be rescued to live forever with You as My Savior. I ask You to come into my heart, dwell in me and change me that I might live life to the fullest and bring glory to Your Name.

Thank you Jesus for dying that I might live.

Amen

“Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

John 14:6 NIV