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Love Hurts.

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Love hurts.

Loving someone, means you will inevitably experience pain…you risk being disappointed, frustrated, and even rejected. The pain associated with love is only known by the depths that one loves. In fact, it’s often not until you experience loss that you realize just how great your love was for that which was lost and there is no greater loss than when our loved ones transition from this life to the next. The scar of grief that remains is a reminder of the love we lost, how things were and how they could have been. The scar is frequently agitated by memories, pictures, special occasions and just about anything that reminds you it’s still there.

Grief is a process with no end in sight. It stays with you forever yet improves over time and with great care. While grief is associated with pain…and don’t get me wrong it is dreadfully painful at times, it is also a reminder of the love we had, the memories we made, and the life that we shared. Though we don’t welcome grief, it is an indication of our capacity to love and care for the people God has placed in our lives if only for a season but always in our hearts. It is in our grief, that we discover unknown strength, gain new perspectives of love, and a deeper appreciation for those that remain. Love is patient, gentle, kind….but it also hurts.

As I navigate my own grief journey, I am comforted by the love that I still have, the outpouring of love from my family and friends, and God’s grace…which is more than sufficient. I am also learned to embrace the process of grief and to handle myself with care. 

When the pain sets in:

Remember

Remember the good memories you shared with your loved one. Remember the expressions of love, the moments that bring you joy, and the moments that make you laugh.

Release

Cleanse your soul. When the tears come, let them fall and just be. Tears are a necessary part of the journey.

Reach Out

YOU. ARE. NOT. ALONE.  Reach out to your family and friends. Let them know that you are hurting. You are not a burden. As one who loved, those deposits that you made are waiting for you with open arms. Don’t be afraid to say you are not okay. It’s okay not to be okay. And don’t be afraid to seek counseling or therapy. In fact, I highly recommend it.

Rejoice

Celebrate your loved one’s life and your progress in your grief journey.

Repeat

Grief is a forever thing. Repeat this process as often as needed.

 

Love hurts but it is worth it all.

 

Scriptures to comfort you throughout your grief journey:

  • Psalm 23
  • Psalm 91:1-2
  • 2 Corinthians 12:9
  • John 16:33
  • Jeremiah 13:13-14
  • Matthew 5:4
  • Isaiah 40:29-31

Searching for Real Love

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Valentine’s Day. A day for lovers. A day set aside to celebrate love. Some choose to express their love through flowers, romantic dinner/gestures, candy, and cards filled with sweet sentiments reserved for this special day of love. For some, Valentine’s Day is a reminder of their relationship status or lack thereof. It can be a day of grieving what was lost, what was hoped for, and wondering why you are the only one in your circle who is still single. These are valid feelings. They shouldn’t be just shrugged off, dismissed, and ignored. However, they should not lead you to believe you aren’t loved either. The truth is you are loved more than you even know.

As a single woman, I must be intentional about being gentle and loving myself on Valentine’s Day, and to be honest regularly. I must remember how deeply I am loved by God and the people that He has placed in my life. To freely pour the love that I do have into those I am attached to. To spend time loving myself, appreciating my own worth and keep living so that when that special person does come along, I can fully appreciate and freely pour out the love that I have to offer.

See…the thing that I have come to realize is, there is only one True Love. He sees me, He knows me, He cares about me, and He loves me. I don’t have to earn His love; I don’t have to prove that I am worthy of love. I can be me and know that He loves me. There are no conditions to be met – only an open heart to receive what He has to offer. Without True Love, love can never be known or embraced.

There’s a story in the Bible about a young woman named, Leah, who was vying for the attention and love of her mate. A mate who was with her out of obligation, not love. A mate who loved someone else. She hoped by giving him babies, something her sister couldn’t do, it would make her worthy of his love. Leah, described as one with gentle eyes (kindly implying, she wasn’t attractive), was probably overlooked by many. However, she was seen by God. I am sure there were times Leah felt alone, rejected, forgotten about and wondered why she wasn’t worthy of love.

When I read this story, I wonder what Leah felt watching up close and personal someone else be in a relationship she desired for herself. What it must have been like to long for the love she saw her sister freely receive. I realize I can empathize with Leah. Wondering when it will be your turn as you celebrate your friends finding love. Watching time go by, hoping it won’t be too late. In those moments of fleeting discontentment, thinking I must be invisible, or something is wrong with me. Then reality sets in. There is absolutely nothing wrong with me, I have so much to offer the world (not just a man), and I am so very loved!

My sister (and those brothers who might stumble across this), let me encourage you…

You are seen. You are loved. You are worthy of love and there is nothing wrong with you. Maybe it’s not the one right now, but there are people all around you who love you and need your love. Not just for one day but EVERYDAY! There is only One Real Love, One True Love that fills your heart and will satisfy every desire – forever and always.

While you wait, know that you are seen, and that God has a plan for You – a plan He had in mind when He saw you in your mother’s womb. While you wait, give birth to that vision God has placed in your heart, live life fully, and love yourself well so that you can love others well.

God saw, heard, and blessed Leah. It did not require a love she thought she needed. She received the Real Love that she needed. And then Leah said, “and now I will praise the Lord!”

I promise you…the wait will be worth it!

Your Sister in Waiting,

Jennifer

Prayer:

‘I pray that Christ will live in your hearts because of your faith. I pray that your life will be strong in love and be built on love. And I pray that you and all God’s holy people will have the power to understand the greatness of Christ’s love—how wide, how long, how high, and how deep that love is. Christ’s love is greater than anyone can ever know, but I pray that you will be able to know that love. Then you can be filled with everything God has for you. With God’s power working in us, he can do much, much more than anything we can ask or think of. To him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus for all time, forever and ever. Amen.’

Ephesians 3:17-21

 

Scriptures to remind you of how much you are loved:

  • John 3:16
  • John 15:9
  • John 16:27
  • Song of Solomon 4:7
  • Romans 5:8
  • Romans 8:35
  • I Peter 5:7
  • I John 3:1
  • I John 3:16
  • I John 4:9-10

Take Time to Get Away

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So He Himself often withdrew into the wilderness and prayed. – Luke 5:16

One of the most important people that you are assigned to care for is you. That’s right you! It’s easy to neglect ourselves to make sure the needs of others are being met. We tend to feel guilty or selfish for putting ourselves ahead of others or even worse we have this false belief that everything will fall apart if we take time to pause for a timeout. We far too often consider our tireless work charitable. When in fact it is restless striving to maintain control. The reality is, none of us can pour from an empty cup.

Self-ministry (my new favorite word) is important. Prioritizing time to care for yourself, rest, pray for and encourage yourself. Spending time meditating on scripture to insulate yourself with the Word of God. Filling yourself with the oil to keep the candle burning. Refreshing yourself for the work ahead of you. Filling your soul with things that bring you joy and peace. Allowing God to minister to you so that you can minister to others.

One individual who beautifully modeled self-ministry is Jesus. Scriptures record the Messiah regularly taking time away for self-ministry. I love how Luke records it in his gospel, “Jesus often withdrew…”, He regularly took time to get away from the crowds for a time of prayer, rest and refreshment. Jesus was able to rest knowing that the needs of His people would be met, the work would continue, and the Father was in control. He was aware that He had to get away from the crowds. He knew the benefits and importance of being alone in the Father’s presence for a time of refreshment. That these get aways were necessary for Him to continue the work He was called to do. Jesus got away. And He did this often.

Surely, if Jesus, Son of God, God in the flesh, modeled this for us we can make time to minister to ourselves and allow Him to minister to us so that we can properly care for those around us.

Make time to get away. Often.

Peace & Blessings.

Don’t Delete the Good Stuff

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One of my tasks for the new year is to clean up my digital footprint. To keep this from being an arduous task and to make sure I clean up EVERYTHING, I decided to begin by tackling the daily “memories” on one of my social media accounts. Paging through the memories invoked a variety of emotions and thoughts ranging from joy, sadness, and embarrassment. I hung on to those “memories” I wouldn’t mind popping up on my feed annually and delete those that remind me of a less mature version of myself, perhaps under the influence or need to put on my best social media face to impress others or caught up in things that distracted me from living or posts that were reminders of a painful time. I find myself cleaning up the messier version of myself – choosing to keep those memories that bring a smile to my face or that I wouldn’t mind someone stumbling across.

As I was deleting, I thought about the pointlessness of my actions. Yes, it would clean up my profile but all of those moments were representative of who I was at that particular moment in my life. Looking back I could see the growth, change, a woman I could be proud of. Deleting the posts weren’t going to change who I was or who I am today.

Just like my digital footprint, there are moments in my life that I would like to forget. Painful, shameful and regretful moments…moments I wish I could delete. If I delete those moments, would I be the person I am today? Each of the moments I want to delete were necessary for my growth and the journey ahead. In all those things, I was being molded, shaped and refined to the person I am today – with lessons and memories to encourage me through the journey. Most importantly they taught me about grace.

My favorite scripture is Romans 8:28, ” And we know in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose”. When you belong to God, He does not waste anything. Those things you want to delete, worked out for your good.

The Perfect Fit

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I love online shopping! I know what I want and with a few clicks (depending on the site, maybe one) it can be at my door in just a few days. No lines, crowds, hassles or assistance needed. I have what I want delivered right to my doorstep.

While I love and prefer online shopping, I must confess I am not the greatest at it. Often when my package arrives, I find myself disappointed because the color is not as vibrant as it appeared on my screen, the fabric is not the expected quality, or the sizing is off (because I failed to read the fine print directing me to look at the conversion chart), or it fits but doesn’t quite look the same as it did on the model. Then there have been those occasions where after making my selection, I receive a notification that the item I ordered is on back order and I have to wait longer than I anticipated. These hastily made decisions and lapse in judgement often leave me questioning my purchase.

The problem is, I am so certain about what I think I want that I don’t take the time to consider the purchase. Do I really need it? Is it really the right fit? Am I willing to wait until the item is back in stock? Instead of reading the details about the item – the fabric, the measurements, the shipping origin, I proceed with what I want – far too often disappointed that what I thought would look good on me, is not the right fit for me.

The same can be said about our requests of God. We think we know what we want – whether it’s a relationship, career, or ministry opportunity, only to find out it wasn’t the right fit for us after all.

Sometimes what we want is not what we need. Or maybe, it’s just not the right time. God knows exactly what we need, how to get it to us and when we need it. We need to trust Him to guide us in our decision making – to align our desires with His. It may take more than 2 days to get to us, but when it arrives He guarantees it will be the perfect fit!

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” -Proverbs 3:5-6

Keep Opening Those Gifts…

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“On coming to the house, they saw the Child with His mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshipped Him. Then they opened their treasures and presented Him with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh.”

Matthew 2:11

I love to see the excitement on people’s faces when they open their Christmas gifts, especially young children who tend not be as concerned about expressing their joy. The unexpected gifts are always the best. They are the ones given just at the right time to fulfill a long-awaited desire or address a specific need.  The gifts are an expression of our love for the recipient or value we place on the relationship. 

When the wise men came to see the newborn baby Jesus, they came bearing gifts of various types, for various uses – their best offering. They didn’t just leave their gifts at the altar of the manger, but they opened them so that their value could be displayed. They didn’t offer the gift for a response but as an expression of love for the One who came to give them life.

God has placed many gifts in all of us – valuable gifts, gifts to honor Him and be an extension of His love and goodness to others. These gifts are not for own benefit but to bring joy, hope, encouragement, and inspiration to the lives of others so that they might see the awesomeness of God as His children unwrap their gifts. 

Christmas may be over but there are still gifts to be opened. If you are holding on to that gift for a special occasion, the perfect time, or not quite sure about the value of the gift, open it up! There is someone out there waiting for you.

Imagine the joy it brings Your Father when He sees you opening the gifts that He has placed in you.

Keep opening those gifts!

Struggling to Finish…

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Transparent moment…I have difficulty finishing things. I have gotten much better over the years but I struggle when I get to the end of a thing. It often takes a lot of encouragement, caffeine, and a little bit of prodding to accomplish the task at hand. I start off excited, strong, hopeful and as the end nears impatience, fatigue, and frustration sets in – all deterrents from finishing strong. Can you relate?

As I was reading the story of Gideon, it dawned on me that I am not alone.

After overcoming insecurity and becoming the valiant warrior that would defeat many – just as God said he would – he settled for complacency. Settled for doing things the way his people were accustomed to. Returning to what was familiar, perhaps even easier. What happens to us, happens to many. After a strong start, after seeing how God can work through us and on our behalf, we try to finish in our own strength.

Gideon and I are not alone. We share company with Noah (who decided to turn up after being spared from the flood), Moses (who hit the rock because his people were getting on his nerves) and Jehoshaphat (who thought it would be a good idea to help God out by making a deal to protect his people) to name a few. God’s chosen people who temporarily lost sight of the power they had access to and instruction they received to finish their race strong.

As we close out 2021, let us be reminded of the words of Brother Paul and finish our race strong. Whatever it is you need to finish before the end of the year, get back to it, pour yourself into it and finish your race strong. Keep the faith!

“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” -2 Timothy 4:7

Keep On Moving!

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I recently went out for a walk – one I had been putting off for most of the day and for many reasons. Discouragement over not seeing the results in the timeline I had expected, not feeling like it was as important as some of the other things on my to-do list, and to be honest…just not feeling like it. But I knew it was something I had to do in order to reach one of my goals.

On the way out, it started to rain despite the forecast calling for clear skies. I contemplated turning around and going home, but I kept it moving. When I arrived at the track, there was a parked construction vehicle blocking a portion of the course leaving just enough room for me to maneuver around. Again, I considered calling it a wrap. But I kept it moving. Further down the trail, there was a small group of people gathered appearing to be on break from their construction work. Though they were minding their own business, my insecurities turned them into hecklers watching this chubby girl make small ineffective strides to knocking off a few pounds. I considered hanging up my walking shoes for the day. But I kept it moving.

As I kept going, with each lap the obstacles were removed…one by one. The light rain came to a pause. The tractor was moved giving me full access to the track, and the perceived hecklers (lol) went back to work. The obstacles were removed. I was able to accomplish what I had set out to do, while learning a valuable and practical lesson to keep it moving and not to focus on the obstacles. God constantly reminds me, even through practical illustrations like this, that He will remove anything in the way of advancing His purpose and plans for our lives. We don’t need to move them…just trust Him to do the heavy lifting. He wants us to focus on Him more than the obstacle, keep moving and trust Him in the process knowing that He is working with each step we take.

No matter what you are trying to achieve there will always be an obstacle in the way. Stop focusing on the obstacles, you may be overlooking how God is moving on your behalf – clearing the path for His beloved child.

“The path of the righteous is level, You clear a straight path for the righteous. Yes, Lord, we wait for You in the path of Your judgements. Our desire is for Your name and renown.” -Isaiah 26:7-8

Pick Up Your Crown

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‘But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. ‘

1 Peter 2:9

Before the pandemic, I hosted a small group of women for an informal Bible study and time of refreshment. As we shared our experiences, responsibilities and various hats we wear, one of the women shared a statement that made me chuckle but was unfortunately a truth many of us can relate to – “I wear so many hats I just want to ask someone , ‘Can you please take a hat?‘”

As women, we wear and try to balance so many hats…mother, wife, daughter, business woman, employee, ministry leader, mentor, friend, sister, coach, volunteer, and the list goes on. These various hats can cause us at times to feel overwhelmed, frustrated, discouraged, and irritated leading to procrastination, stagnation, neglect, and even anger. If we are not careful, our growing collection of hats can knock off our crown causing us to temporarily lose sight of Who we belong, who we are in Him, and what HE wants us to do.

Polishing and adjusting our crown should be a daily practice. Our crown should identify us as part of the King’s court – on assignment to represent His kingdom and serve others with the grace & love that is part of our DNA completing our daily ensemble.

‘Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. ‘ Colossians 3:12-14

While there may be hats we can put on a shelf for a season or hand over to another eager owner, we can not afford to take off our crown. You may need to adjust it from time to time…just don’t let it come off.

Remember who you are…YOU ARE ROYALTY.

Pick up your crown!

What do you see?

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I recently watched a movie where the main character had an overwhelming desire to be attractive. She felt unloved, unwanted, overlooked, and overweight – when in fact she wasn’t any of those things…at least to those that mattered. Through a series of made for movie events – including a bump on the head, she ended up believing that she was pretty.

While she believed with all her heart that her physical appearance changed, it didn’t. It was what she thought about herself that changed. As a result, she was more confident, outgoing, courageous and carefree – living her life to the fullest (sadly though at times her personality wasn’t so pretty…that’s a word for another day).

When you look in the mirror, what do you see?

As believers and followers of Jesus Christ, it is important that we see ourselves correctly. We need to believe what Our Father says about us and how He sees us so that we can live in the fullness of all that He desires for us.

Don’t allow the world, social media, culture or other people to determine what you see when you look in the mirror. Allow them to see the beauty that is inside of you…the hope of glory, Christ in you (Colossians 1:27).

You are:

  • Beautiful. (Psalm 45:11, Song of Solomon 4:7)
  • Made in His image. (Genesis 1:27)
  • Fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)
  • Precious. (Isaiah 43:4)
  • Loved. (John 3:16, I John 4:9-10)
  • Chosen. (Ephesians 1:4, I Peter 2:9)
  • God’s handiwork. (Ephesians 2:10)
  • A special possession. (I Peter 2:9)
  • A crown of splendor. (Isaiah 62:3)
  • Royalty. (I Peter 2:9)

True transformation begins the moment you accept Jesus Christ as your Savior and Lord, allowing Him to reign in your heart as King. He can help you adjust your vision so that you can see yourself as the king/queen He has created you to be.

Now let me ask again…when you look in the mirror, what do you see? Let Him transform you.