Love Hurts.

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Love hurts.

Loving someone, means you will inevitably experience pain…you risk being disappointed, frustrated, and even rejected. The pain associated with love is only known by the depths that one loves. In fact, it’s often not until you experience loss that you realize just how great your love was for that which was lost and there is no greater loss than when our loved ones transition from this life to the next. The scar of grief that remains is a reminder of the love we lost, how things were and how they could have been. The scar is frequently agitated by memories, pictures, special occasions and just about anything that reminds you it’s still there.

Grief is a process with no end in sight. It stays with you forever yet improves over time and with great care. While grief is associated with pain…and don’t get me wrong it is dreadfully painful at times, it is also a reminder of the love we had, the memories we made, and the life that we shared. Though we don’t welcome grief, it is an indication of our capacity to love and care for the people God has placed in our lives if only for a season but always in our hearts. It is in our grief, that we discover unknown strength, gain new perspectives of love, and a deeper appreciation for those that remain. Love is patient, gentle, kind….but it also hurts.

As I navigate my own grief journey, I am comforted by the love that I still have, the outpouring of love from my family and friends, and God’s grace…which is more than sufficient. I am also learned to embrace the process of grief and to handle myself with care. 

When the pain sets in:

Remember

Remember the good memories you shared with your loved one. Remember the expressions of love, the moments that bring you joy, and the moments that make you laugh.

Release

Cleanse your soul. When the tears come, let them fall and just be. Tears are a necessary part of the journey.

Reach Out

YOU. ARE. NOT. ALONE.  Reach out to your family and friends. Let them know that you are hurting. You are not a burden. As one who loved, those deposits that you made are waiting for you with open arms. Don’t be afraid to say you are not okay. It’s okay not to be okay. And don’t be afraid to seek counseling or therapy. In fact, I highly recommend it.

Rejoice

Celebrate your loved one’s life and your progress in your grief journey.

Repeat

Grief is a forever thing. Repeat this process as often as needed.

 

Love hurts but it is worth it all.

 

Scriptures to comfort you throughout your grief journey:

  • Psalm 23
  • Psalm 91:1-2
  • 2 Corinthians 12:9
  • John 16:33
  • Jeremiah 13:13-14
  • Matthew 5:4
  • Isaiah 40:29-31

Searching for Real Love

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Valentine’s Day. A day for lovers. A day set aside to celebrate love. Some choose to express their love through flowers, romantic dinner/gestures, candy, and cards filled with sweet sentiments reserved for this special day of love. For some, Valentine’s Day is a reminder of their relationship status or lack thereof. It can be a day of grieving what was lost, what was hoped for, and wondering why you are the only one in your circle who is still single. These are valid feelings. They shouldn’t be just shrugged off, dismissed, and ignored. However, they should not lead you to believe you aren’t loved either. The truth is you are loved more than you even know.

As a single woman, I must be intentional about being gentle and loving myself on Valentine’s Day, and to be honest regularly. I must remember how deeply I am loved by God and the people that He has placed in my life. To freely pour the love that I do have into those I am attached to. To spend time loving myself, appreciating my own worth and keep living so that when that special person does come along, I can fully appreciate and freely pour out the love that I have to offer.

See…the thing that I have come to realize is, there is only one True Love. He sees me, He knows me, He cares about me, and He loves me. I don’t have to earn His love; I don’t have to prove that I am worthy of love. I can be me and know that He loves me. There are no conditions to be met – only an open heart to receive what He has to offer. Without True Love, love can never be known or embraced.

There’s a story in the Bible about a young woman named, Leah, who was vying for the attention and love of her mate. A mate who was with her out of obligation, not love. A mate who loved someone else. She hoped by giving him babies, something her sister couldn’t do, it would make her worthy of his love. Leah, described as one with gentle eyes (kindly implying, she wasn’t attractive), was probably overlooked by many. However, she was seen by God. I am sure there were times Leah felt alone, rejected, forgotten about and wondered why she wasn’t worthy of love.

When I read this story, I wonder what Leah felt watching up close and personal someone else be in a relationship she desired for herself. What it must have been like to long for the love she saw her sister freely receive. I realize I can empathize with Leah. Wondering when it will be your turn as you celebrate your friends finding love. Watching time go by, hoping it won’t be too late. In those moments of fleeting discontentment, thinking I must be invisible, or something is wrong with me. Then reality sets in. There is absolutely nothing wrong with me, I have so much to offer the world (not just a man), and I am so very loved!

My sister (and those brothers who might stumble across this), let me encourage you…

You are seen. You are loved. You are worthy of love and there is nothing wrong with you. Maybe it’s not the one right now, but there are people all around you who love you and need your love. Not just for one day but EVERYDAY! There is only One Real Love, One True Love that fills your heart and will satisfy every desire – forever and always.

While you wait, know that you are seen, and that God has a plan for You – a plan He had in mind when He saw you in your mother’s womb. While you wait, give birth to that vision God has placed in your heart, live life fully, and love yourself well so that you can love others well.

God saw, heard, and blessed Leah. It did not require a love she thought she needed. She received the Real Love that she needed. And then Leah said, “and now I will praise the Lord!”

I promise you…the wait will be worth it!

Your Sister in Waiting,

Jennifer

Prayer:

‘I pray that Christ will live in your hearts because of your faith. I pray that your life will be strong in love and be built on love. And I pray that you and all God’s holy people will have the power to understand the greatness of Christ’s love—how wide, how long, how high, and how deep that love is. Christ’s love is greater than anyone can ever know, but I pray that you will be able to know that love. Then you can be filled with everything God has for you. With God’s power working in us, he can do much, much more than anything we can ask or think of. To him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus for all time, forever and ever. Amen.’

Ephesians 3:17-21

 

Scriptures to remind you of how much you are loved:

  • John 3:16
  • John 15:9
  • John 16:27
  • Song of Solomon 4:7
  • Romans 5:8
  • Romans 8:35
  • I Peter 5:7
  • I John 3:1
  • I John 3:16
  • I John 4:9-10

Take Time to Get Away

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So He Himself often withdrew into the wilderness and prayed. – Luke 5:16

One of the most important people that you are assigned to care for is you. That’s right you! It’s easy to neglect ourselves to make sure the needs of others are being met. We tend to feel guilty or selfish for putting ourselves ahead of others or even worse we have this false belief that everything will fall apart if we take time to pause for a timeout. We far too often consider our tireless work charitable. When in fact it is restless striving to maintain control. The reality is, none of us can pour from an empty cup.

Self-ministry (my new favorite word) is important. Prioritizing time to care for yourself, rest, pray for and encourage yourself. Spending time meditating on scripture to insulate yourself with the Word of God. Filling yourself with the oil to keep the candle burning. Refreshing yourself for the work ahead of you. Filling your soul with things that bring you joy and peace. Allowing God to minister to you so that you can minister to others.

One individual who beautifully modeled self-ministry is Jesus. Scriptures record the Messiah regularly taking time away for self-ministry. I love how Luke records it in his gospel, “Jesus often withdrew…”, He regularly took time to get away from the crowds for a time of prayer, rest and refreshment. Jesus was able to rest knowing that the needs of His people would be met, the work would continue, and the Father was in control. He was aware that He had to get away from the crowds. He knew the benefits and importance of being alone in the Father’s presence for a time of refreshment. That these get aways were necessary for Him to continue the work He was called to do. Jesus got away. And He did this often.

Surely, if Jesus, Son of God, God in the flesh, modeled this for us we can make time to minister to ourselves and allow Him to minister to us so that we can properly care for those around us.

Make time to get away. Often.

Peace & Blessings.

Don’t Delete the Good Stuff

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One of my tasks for the new year is to clean up my digital footprint. To keep this from being an arduous task and to make sure I clean up EVERYTHING, I decided to begin by tackling the daily “memories” on one of my social media accounts. Paging through the memories invoked a variety of emotions and thoughts ranging from joy, sadness, and embarrassment. I hung on to those “memories” I wouldn’t mind popping up on my feed annually and delete those that remind me of a less mature version of myself, perhaps under the influence or need to put on my best social media face to impress others or caught up in things that distracted me from living or posts that were reminders of a painful time. I find myself cleaning up the messier version of myself – choosing to keep those memories that bring a smile to my face or that I wouldn’t mind someone stumbling across.

As I was deleting, I thought about the pointlessness of my actions. Yes, it would clean up my profile but all of those moments were representative of who I was at that particular moment in my life. Looking back I could see the growth, change, a woman I could be proud of. Deleting the posts weren’t going to change who I was or who I am today.

Just like my digital footprint, there are moments in my life that I would like to forget. Painful, shameful and regretful moments…moments I wish I could delete. If I delete those moments, would I be the person I am today? Each of the moments I want to delete were necessary for my growth and the journey ahead. In all those things, I was being molded, shaped and refined to the person I am today – with lessons and memories to encourage me through the journey. Most importantly they taught me about grace.

My favorite scripture is Romans 8:28, ” And we know in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose”. When you belong to God, He does not waste anything. Those things you want to delete, worked out for your good.

The Perfect Fit

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I love online shopping! I know what I want and with a few clicks (depending on the site, maybe one) it can be at my door in just a few days. No lines, crowds, hassles or assistance needed. I have what I want delivered right to my doorstep.

While I love and prefer online shopping, I must confess I am not the greatest at it. Often when my package arrives, I find myself disappointed because the color is not as vibrant as it appeared on my screen, the fabric is not the expected quality, or the sizing is off (because I failed to read the fine print directing me to look at the conversion chart), or it fits but doesn’t quite look the same as it did on the model. Then there have been those occasions where after making my selection, I receive a notification that the item I ordered is on back order and I have to wait longer than I anticipated. These hastily made decisions and lapse in judgement often leave me questioning my purchase.

The problem is, I am so certain about what I think I want that I don’t take the time to consider the purchase. Do I really need it? Is it really the right fit? Am I willing to wait until the item is back in stock? Instead of reading the details about the item – the fabric, the measurements, the shipping origin, I proceed with what I want – far too often disappointed that what I thought would look good on me, is not the right fit for me.

The same can be said about our requests of God. We think we know what we want – whether it’s a relationship, career, or ministry opportunity, only to find out it wasn’t the right fit for us after all.

Sometimes what we want is not what we need. Or maybe, it’s just not the right time. God knows exactly what we need, how to get it to us and when we need it. We need to trust Him to guide us in our decision making – to align our desires with His. It may take more than 2 days to get to us, but when it arrives He guarantees it will be the perfect fit!

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” -Proverbs 3:5-6

Keep Opening Those Gifts…

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“On coming to the house, they saw the Child with His mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshipped Him. Then they opened their treasures and presented Him with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh.”

Matthew 2:11

I love to see the excitement on people’s faces when they open their Christmas gifts, especially young children who tend not be as concerned about expressing their joy. The unexpected gifts are always the best. They are the ones given just at the right time to fulfill a long-awaited desire or address a specific need.  The gifts are an expression of our love for the recipient or value we place on the relationship. 

When the wise men came to see the newborn baby Jesus, they came bearing gifts of various types, for various uses – their best offering. They didn’t just leave their gifts at the altar of the manger, but they opened them so that their value could be displayed. They didn’t offer the gift for a response but as an expression of love for the One who came to give them life.

God has placed many gifts in all of us – valuable gifts, gifts to honor Him and be an extension of His love and goodness to others. These gifts are not for own benefit but to bring joy, hope, encouragement, and inspiration to the lives of others so that they might see the awesomeness of God as His children unwrap their gifts. 

Christmas may be over but there are still gifts to be opened. If you are holding on to that gift for a special occasion, the perfect time, or not quite sure about the value of the gift, open it up! There is someone out there waiting for you.

Imagine the joy it brings Your Father when He sees you opening the gifts that He has placed in you.

Keep opening those gifts!

Struggling to Finish…

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Transparent moment…I have difficulty finishing things. I have gotten much better over the years but I struggle when I get to the end of a thing. It often takes a lot of encouragement, caffeine, and a little bit of prodding to accomplish the task at hand. I start off excited, strong, hopeful and as the end nears impatience, fatigue, and frustration sets in – all deterrents from finishing strong. Can you relate?

As I was reading the story of Gideon, it dawned on me that I am not alone.

After overcoming insecurity and becoming the valiant warrior that would defeat many – just as God said he would – he settled for complacency. Settled for doing things the way his people were accustomed to. Returning to what was familiar, perhaps even easier. What happens to us, happens to many. After a strong start, after seeing how God can work through us and on our behalf, we try to finish in our own strength.

Gideon and I are not alone. We share company with Noah (who decided to turn up after being spared from the flood), Moses (who hit the rock because his people were getting on his nerves) and Jehoshaphat (who thought it would be a good idea to help God out by making a deal to protect his people) to name a few. God’s chosen people who temporarily lost sight of the power they had access to and instruction they received to finish their race strong.

As we close out 2021, let us be reminded of the words of Brother Paul and finish our race strong. Whatever it is you need to finish before the end of the year, get back to it, pour yourself into it and finish your race strong. Keep the faith!

“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” -2 Timothy 4:7

Do You Know?

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“I will praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:14 NIV

Do you know?

Psalm 139:14 is probably one of the most quoted and popular passages of scripture. We recite it to boost our confidence, revel in it when we are ‘snatched’ – hair done, make up on point, clothes perfectly laid. We wear it on statement tees and sip on coffee mugs reminding us just how great we are…but do really know and believe that we are wonderful? That we are great? One of a kind..daughters of a King?

Underneath all the clothing, hair, and makeup is often an uncertain soul. Uncertain about who she is, her worth, her calling, and uncertain about who she belongs to. Do you know just how wonderful you are? Do you believe what God says about you? That even in your lowest state, He was there…that He loved you…that you had a purpose even then? Do you believe that you are the apple of His eye…that He sees the inward parts and that is what He’s pursuing…not the clothes, not the hair, not the makeup? Do you believe that He loved you enough…to come to earth in flesh, to die for you even when He knew you could never measure up to your own standards? Do you know and know full well that you are….

Beautiful?

Wonderful?

Gifted?

Chosen?

Forgiven?

Redeemed?

Worthy?

Treasured?

Loved…

Loved by a Father who would move heaven and earth just for you…

Loved by a Father that would send His Son to die for you?

“I will give thanks to You because I have been so amazingly and miraculously made. Your works are miraculous, and my soul is fully aware of this. My bones were not hidden from You when I was made in secret, when I was being skillfully woven in an underground workshop. Your eyes saw me when I was still an unborn child. Every day of my life was recorded in Your book before one of them had taken place. How precious are Your thoughts concerning me, O God!” Psalm 139:14-17 God’s Word

Thank You Father for reminding of us of how amazing Your works are. That to be known by You is to know that we were created on purpose, for a purpose, in Your image – fearfully and wonderfully made. We are grateful to know You and to know who we are in Christ Jesus. Amen.

Keep On Moving!

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I recently went out for a walk – one I had been putting off for most of the day and for many reasons. Discouragement over not seeing the results in the timeline I had expected, not feeling like it was as important as some of the other things on my to-do list, and to be honest…just not feeling like it. But I knew it was something I had to do in order to reach one of my goals.

On the way out, it started to rain despite the forecast calling for clear skies. I contemplated turning around and going home, but I kept it moving. When I arrived at the track, there was a parked construction vehicle blocking a portion of the course leaving just enough room for me to maneuver around. Again, I considered calling it a wrap. But I kept it moving. Further down the trail, there was a small group of people gathered appearing to be on break from their construction work. Though they were minding their own business, my insecurities turned them into hecklers watching this chubby girl make small ineffective strides to knocking off a few pounds. I considered hanging up my walking shoes for the day. But I kept it moving.

As I kept going, with each lap the obstacles were removed…one by one. The light rain came to a pause. The tractor was moved giving me full access to the track, and the perceived hecklers (lol) went back to work. The obstacles were removed. I was able to accomplish what I had set out to do, while learning a valuable and practical lesson to keep it moving and not to focus on the obstacles. God constantly reminds me, even through practical illustrations like this, that He will remove anything in the way of advancing His purpose and plans for our lives. We don’t need to move them…just trust Him to do the heavy lifting. He wants us to focus on Him more than the obstacle, keep moving and trust Him in the process knowing that He is working with each step we take.

No matter what you are trying to achieve there will always be an obstacle in the way. Stop focusing on the obstacles, you may be overlooking how God is moving on your behalf – clearing the path for His beloved child.

“The path of the righteous is level, You clear a straight path for the righteous. Yes, Lord, we wait for You in the path of Your judgements. Our desire is for Your name and renown.” -Isaiah 26:7-8

While You Wait…

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I am in the middle of quite a few things in this season of my life…home improvement projects, new projects at work, ministry initiatives, personal goals, and mid-life if I am counting the years…

The middle is often a place of waiting. You have certain expectations – a desired outcome, a preferred timeline, and excitement of seeing whatever you’re waiting for come to pass. Then there’s the anxiety about what’s next, deviations from your plans and timeline, and frustration that comes from feeling stuck when things don’t seem to be going the way you would like them to.

This weekend I received a practical lesson on what to do while you wait. I was in between commitments with a few hours to spare. Part of me wanted to take advantage of the down time – just count down the minutes until the next thing and think about the responsibilities piling up instead of doing what is in front of me while I wait.

As I took inventory of my to do list and assessed my current situation, I stared at a pile (well piles) of clothes I was in the process of transitioning to storage for the next season mixed with some freshly laundered clothes that accumulated throughout the week as I tended to more pressing matters. I started working on each pile until each piece of clothing made it to it’s appropriate location. Working on the thing right in front of me…working while I was waiting.

Then I fixed my attention on a pile of unopened boxes containing some items requiring assembly. Items that were part of a home improvement project that was still in progress. I ignored the boxes because I was waiting for the room to be finished and in my frustration I put them off to the side. I opened the few boxes and started assembling. I started working on the next thing in front of me…working while I was waiting.

Before I knew it, it was almost time to get ready for my appointment. I had lost track of time. I was focused on accomplishing the tasks in front on me. Though the things I was working may not have been directly tied to the actual thing(s) I was waiting for, I felt lighter, less overwhelmed more organized, accomplished and encouraged about the very things I was waiting for. Not only that, I went into my next commitment feeling undistracted, prepared and ready to focus on that particular task.

I am learning how to manage the waiting room (sometimes not as well as I would like) and not neglect the sometimes seemingly small or insignificant things we tend to put off in our arrogance and impatience believing we will take care of them at a later time or better yet when the thing we are waiting for becomes a reality.

Waiting doesn’t mean do nothing or just sit around counting the hours that pass until you arrive at your final destination. There are things waiting for you in the wait. People waiting for you in the wait. Places you need to be in the wait. Things to learn in the wait. Commit yourself to the work in the wait. Do the next thing. Wait well.

Don’t just sit there….there is something for you to do in the wait!

“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Psalm 90:12 NIV